Thursday | Week 15

I am a big fan of the disciple, Thomas. If I am being completely transparent, Thomas and I have a lot in common. We are both hard-headed skeptics. We don’t just want answers, we want proof. Doubt is an integral part of my testimony. It wasn’t until I prayed bold and honest prayers, admitting to God that I was incapable of having faith to believe in Him, that He gave me just that. 

In eighth grade, a few months after Jesus changed my life, I read Francis Chan’s book Crazy Love. He wrote an illustration that helped me better put into words my struggle to have faith. Chan stated:

“If my mind is the size of a soda can and God is the size of all the oceans, it would be stupid for me to say He is only the small amount of water I can scoop into my little can. God is so much bigger, so far beyond our time-encased, air/food/sleep-dependent lives.”

This is exactly what I was trying to do. I wanted to make God something I could explain and understand before I trusted Him.

The disciples were telling Thomas that Jesus appeared to them, but Thomas didn’t understand. He knew that Jesus was dead. I can imagine what he would have been thinking, because I would have been thinking the same thing. “Where’s the proof? How is this logical? Jesus died. I’ll believe it when I see it.” The miraculous catch of fish is a fitting story to follow Thomas’ disbelief. To me, it is like a second chance. Thomas is among the disciples instructed by Jesus to cast their nets on the other side of the boat. When Jesus told them what to do, they didn’t ask questions. They didn’t ask for explanations. They just obeyed, including Thomas. 

It’s a funny balance. We are called to seek truth, yet faith isn’t about needing all the answers. Yes, asking questions is a very good and necessary thing, but faith is believing in something that isn’t proven. If we require proof before we believe, we are crossing out an opportunity to grow in our faith. In my walk with Christ, I hope I always strive to seek answers to things I don’t understand, while also living in constant awe and praise of a God who is much bigger than my mind can comprehend.