The Messy Middle
Photo by Ricardo Viana on Unsplash
As a general rule the majority of us don’t like “messy”. Some of us can tolerate it better than others, but overall even those in that category eventually need some clarity. This is difficult because much of normal life is lived in what I call the “messy middle”. That is, In many situations, we simply do not have clear cut, black white, yes-no types of options. We are all in some sort of messy combination. We do some things well and some things not so well. Some things we do are healthy and some aren’t. Some of our behaviors and thoughts are Godly and some aren’t. Paul talked about this on a very personal level in Romans 7 when he said something to the effect that he found himself doing some things he didn’t want to do and not doing some things he wanted to do. It was “messy”, not clear cut. He found it very distressing and described it by saying “what a wretched man I am”.
Many of our relationships function in the “messy middle” range. For example, a couple might have two children-one of which is compliant and correction normally involves simply a word or two. The other is much more strong willed and requires a much stronger disciplinary hand. So effective parenting might involve two different approaches. Also, sometimes the compliant one needs a stronger hand and the other one requires a gentler approach. Once again, it’s not always clear cut.
Finding a healthy middle is complicated by the reality that we are living in a messy season. It’s hard to find a middle ground. There are those who are fearful and refuse to leave their home and there are those who seem to ignore all protocols. Once again, most of us are trying to find some type of “middle”. Some of us wear gloves and some of us don’t. Some of us wear them sometimes and sometimes we don’t. So the question becomes what can we do to give us the best chance to find this heathy middle in such a messy season. Here are some thoughts.
Take Care of Yourself
This first one is redundant, but important. Take care of yourself in every way you can (mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually) It is difficult to find a healthy middle under the best of conditions. It is really hard to make them under duress, fatigue, and stress.
Actively Accept
Accept the reality of the messiness... I’m not saying just passively accept it and simply give in. I am saying that this is our reality right now and we have a much better chance of dealing with it in a healthy way if we accept it. Focus on controlling what you can control. We really can’t control many of these circumstances, but we need to manage our responses. Once again, appropriate self-care is absolutely necessary.
Pray
Pray for extra measures of patience and grace in your life. Be patient with those around you. They are also trying to figure things out. They also are getting tired. Tired of wondering how long this is going to last, tired of wondering if they have been exposed to the virus, tired of being stuck at home, tired of talk about masks, gloves, and ventilators, tired of discouraging news, etc. Read Paul’s letter to the church at Philippi. See how he deals with an extremely difficult circumstance.
Find Routine
Develop a routine and structure, but don’t hold on to it as tightly as you normally would. These aren’t normal circumstances. Consider these as goals or guidelines. It gives us a target to shoot for but it will require adapting to the ever-changing situation that we are currently in. Once again, this involves finding a “middle”. No structure is not healthy, but neither is a rigid inflexible structure.
Find Your Own Way
Don’t expect people to automatically agree with your ”middle” Hopefully, all of us are trying to find a healthy way to deal with this, but that way will show up differently in different people. For example, some people have groceries delivered, some do curb-side pick-up, some go in the store with a mask and some don’t. There is no clear cut option. You just have to do what you think is right.
Finally, communicate, communicate, communicate. Be as clear as you can about plans and expectations-especially with those you are close to. Things that might be “normal” in “normal” times are not necessarily going to be normal now.
I hope this is helpful and please let us know if we can be of assistance in any way. Please call a member of our staff if you need prayer or anything! Their cell phone numbers are below.