How to Slow Down
Photo by Ryan Johnston on Unsplash
As you might recall, last week’s article was an encouragement to develop a “new normal” in regard to busyness. This choice of topic was built around two notions, the first being that many of us (even pre-COVID) have struggled with feeling over-extended and stressed because of our “normal” crowded lifestyle. The second notion was the reality that many of us have had to slow down as we have dealt with the restrictions imposed by COVID. In fact, several people have commented they were grateful for these changes. Subsequently, this appears to be a natural time to make some adjustments.
However, I did not make any suggestion or offer any thoughts on how to make these changes. That was a significant oversight on my part. I can remember multiple instances in which someone encouraged me to make changes that I agreed with, but left no information on how to do this. Hopefully, this post will be helpful for those of you who want to develop a “new normal” in regard to busyness. Here are some thoughts:
Reality Check
First, be ruthlessly honest about your situation. If you truly think you’re too busy, own it, acknowledge it. The situation probably will not change if you are half-hearted in facing it because someone else suggested it. The obvious truth is that one cannot address a problem until they accept the reality that there is a problem.
Willingness to Change
Second, be ruthlessly honest about your willingness to change. Many people want to “feel” better, but they aren’t willing to make the changes necessary to actually feel better. One of the hardest parts of change is that it might alter some relationships. People who are used to seeing you one way might have a tough time adjusting to your "new normal.” It will also feel pretty uncertain at times, but that’s okay.
Prioritize
Think through and establish priorities for both you and your family. Then you can ask yourself questions like, “Does this activity contribute or detract from my priorities?" This will obviously require significant effort and soul searching. However, if we don’t ask ourselves this question and also have no accountability or support, a few things will likely occur.
One is that in a relatively short time, we will be back in the same old patterns. The second is that we will be unsettled—driven and tossed about like the wind. This inconsistency can also be quite confusing for our families-especially kids. Finally, check your schedule and determine whether it is consistent with your priorities.
Say NO
Accept the reality that the word “no” will have to become part of your vocabulary. You might have to learn how and when to use "no." You may also have to accept that some people might not like it—especially if they are accustomed to you saying "yes." It might even be necessary to actually drop out of some things. Once again, this probably won’t be easy. Saying no might be especially difficult when it comes to kids’ activities. None of us want our kids to be left out of anything. However, our primary job as parents is to prepare our children to be successful adults. Part of that preparation involves teaching them to handle the “no's” they will inevitably run into. Also, if one can’t say "no", then "yes" becomes a meaningless word. We might not say "yes" because we believe it is the right thing to do but because we are fearful about saying "no." If we say yes on that basis, it often leads to resentment and frustration.
Find a Partner
Find a partner who will pray for you, encourage you, and offer loving accountability. You will find the support is not only helpful to you and your growth, but your “new normal” might also be beneficial to people around you. As you become less tense and stressed, your family members may also relax. Friends may also be encouraged or empowered to make similar changes. As Charles Swindoll says, there are a lot of activity addicts who would also love to stop running if they only knew how.
There is a lot more I’d like to say, but I’m late for my next meeting...JUST KIDDING!